DAY ONE

Success! Day One is complete. I ate just under my 1,500 calorie goal, my pedometer reads 12,982 steps, and I almost finished eating before 8 pm....almost!

The hardest part of today was my two mile walk. There were several times I wanted to cut the walk short, turn around early. But I didn't, I pushed through, did the full two miles. And just when I had had enough, Josh Turner's "Me and God" came on my iPod. Check out some of the lyrics...


There ain't nothing that can't be done
By me and God
Ain't nobody come in between me and God
One day we'll live together
Where the angels trod
Me and God


He's my Father
He's my friend
The beginning
And the end
He rules the world
With a staff and rod
We're a team
Me and God


I am weak and he is strong
Me and God
He forgives me when I'm wrong
Me and God
He's the one I lean on
When life gets hard
Me and God



I even got teary eyed listening to it. I know that it is going to take Me and God to get through this. I am so thankful that I have Him, running right beside me (pulling me when I need Him to!), cheering me along and helping me through. And it doesn't hurt that someone as cute as Josh Turner reminded me of that!

Here is my food for today. I have to come up with a better way of posting it so it doesn't look so messy!

Breakfast Calories - Fat - Fiber

Breakfast Quesadilla - Smart Ones 220 6 6
Yogurt - Lemon Cream Pie Yoplait 110 0 0
Total 330 6 6

Lunch
3 Turkey Meatballs 160 9 0
2/3 cup Mashed Potatoes 160 7 2
Corn - Single Serving Steamables 80 1 2
Total 400 17 4

Snack
VitaTop - Deep Chocolate 100 1.5 6
Cheese Stick 90 6 0
Total 190 7.5 6

Dinner
Chicken/Sausage Burger 385 7 3
Fruit Cup - Del Monte 70 0 0
Total 455 7 3

Dessert
Truffle Ice Cream Bar - Skinny Cow 100 2 3

Daily Total 1475 39.5 22

Prep Day

If yesterday was planning day, then today was prep day! All the food for the week was bought. All the lunches for the week are portioned out. All the ingredients for dinner are prepped and ready for tomorrow night.

I also bought a pedometer today on the advice of a friend. The package challenges to try and take 10,000 steps a day. Since 5 pm today, just around the house, I have taken over 1,600 steps! 10,000 seems very doable.

I am ready for tomorrow. First weigh-in. First measurements. First day of posting food and exercise. First day of true accountability for my actions. I am full of mixed emotions. Excited. Scared. Optimistic. Fearful. But most of all, encouraged! I am so blessed to have my friends. I have already received so many positive responses from my first couple of posts. Your encouragement and prayers is what will keep me going when it gets hard, when I want to quit. I thank you all so much! Check in tomorrow....DAY ONE!

The Plan

I have started this blog for accountability, for motivation, and to remind myself of where I have come from and where I am going. I know there are so many people who feel the same way I do, who have the same struggles. If I can help just one person, then my honesty and transparency is worth it. Before photos are placed throughout this post. Hopefully, they are the last photos where I look like this forever!

I debated back and forth on whether I was ready to put my weight and measurements out here for all to see. For those that know me well, they know that NO ONE knows that information about me. Last night, I was ready to post it for all to see. Today, I am not so sure. I don't think people realize how big I actually am, and I am ashamed to tell them. I don't think people have a clue what size I wear, what my measurements are. I tell people I have 100 pounds or more to lose, and they don't believe me!

Here is where my blog comes in...

Accountability

In order to keep me accountable, my goal is to post daily regarding my food consumption and my exercise. This will help me stay on track and not cheat. I am going to post weight loss every Monday and inches lost the first Monday of every month. I will also try to post occasional pictures along with way.

Encouragement

I would love any feedback any of my friends or blog followers have. I would love to know what keeps you motivated, what foods to you love that I should add to my diet rotation, what exercises do you love? I would also love your prayers and words of encouragement as I know this is not something I can do from my own strength alone!

THE GOALS

Weight

I looked up a height and weight chart for females. For me, a 5'2" female, my target weight is 125 lbs. I am going to make that my "goal weight". Right now, this seems very daunting! But I know if I take it one day at a time, I can get there.

Food

The plan is to have a 1,500-calorie diet. My goal is to eat the most calories in the morning with my larger meals being breakfast and lunch. Ideally, I won't be eating after 8 p.m.

Exercise

I ordered a treadmill last night! I have been debating for weeks on what I want to do for exercise. Do I go back to Curves? Do I join a gym or the YMCA? Do I get a personal trainer? But the final verdict....treadmill. There is no excuse about not being able to get somewhere, about the weather is doing, about missing my favorite shows. It will be right there, staring at me, begging me to get on. I have always seen people running, heard friends talk about running, and they all make it seem great! It is never been something I am good at, but it is my goal to work my way up to that...but walking at a fast pace will be where I start. Until the treadmill comes in, I am going to try to find some things to keep me more active.

Before pictures...Argentina in May 2009 and Lauren and I in Chicago in June 2009 (and yes, that is a naked lady statue in the background!)

Where I Am Coming From

I am tired! I am tired of being tired. I am tired of being the big girl. I am tired of being the only plus size sister. I am tired of the words "plus size"! I am tired of seeing clothes that I love and never being able to find them in my size. I am tired of people telling me that I look pretty and never believing them. I am tired of shopping along because I am embarrassed. I am tired of lying about where I buy some clothes because I don't want people to know they are from a big girl store. I am tired of being ashamed by my body. I am tired of putting limits on myself!

I have no memories of ever being small. Homecomings and Prom from high school are supposed to be some of the best memories from high school. I had a great time with great friends at all of them, but dress shopping was another story. Girls are supposed to love dress shopping for their first formal dresses, but not me. It was painful to go into stores and have nothing fit. To be in a dressing room, with the largest size, and zippers not being able to be zipped. Finally, I found a dress that worked...

I loved my dress. It fit. I thought it made me look smaller because of the boning in the bodice. I was happy. Then came Senior Prom and the whole problem started over again. I searched and searched for a dress, trying on dozens of dresses, until finally I found one...

Does it look familiar? Of course it does. It is the exact same dress, but in a different color. It was the only thing I could find that worked and made me look half-way decent. I remember hoping no one would remember my dress from the year before. Then came college.

I love my years at Baylor, meeting new friends, making great memories. Freshman year, girls worried about the dreaded "Freshman Fifteen", and I dreaded meeting new people. What would they would think about me? I remember being the biggest girl on my hall. I remember Baylor girls were so beautiful. I didn't feel like I felt in. I was blessed to meet great friends that love me for me. No matter what shape or what size I was.

In college, for the first time, I remember letting my weight hold me back. I wouldn't do certain things because I was too self conscious. I wouldn't dress up in costumes for parties because I was afraid of looking stupid. I couldn't go with friends to costume stores or Goodwill because I just knew nothing would fit. I wouldn't go to the SLC to work out with friends because I was afraid I couldn't keep up. I would only agree to go on the Bear Trail if they wanted to walk, not run. I wouldn't play on any of my sorority's intermural teams.

It didn't get better after college. I just kept getting bigger and bigger. I don't have many pictures from that time. I avoided pictures as much as possible. I remember looking back at a friend's wedding pictures and thinking I looked absolutely huge. I had to do something about it. And in 2005, I did. I joined Curves and starting counting points. I did it in secret. I didn't want people to know that I was trying to lose weight. I was afraid that I might fail. But I didn't. I did great. I motivated myself. I lost about 45 to 50 pounds! I was proud and others were proud of me.

I could finally shop in normal stores again! It was the first time since early college that I could buy pants in a regular size store. It was a great feeling. But even then, I still had a long way to go. I was still at the top of the size range. There were still stores that I couldn't fit into. I thought to myself that I would never go back. I would never let myself get that big again.

But here I am, several years later, back to where I began, and actually about 10 pounds heavier. In all honesty, I am miserable. I am not happy the way that I am. I have watched the success of others. I see how happy they are. I want that too. There are signs jumping out at me everywhere that it is time to change.

I was reading USA Today during work the other and stumbled across this article. Ok, I know it isn't shocking news...extremely obese people die before those of normal weight. Everyone knows or assumes that already, right? That wasn't what got to me. It was people's comments. I love reading the comments on articles, it is my favorite part. But the comments on this one really got to me. People are so ugly when it comes to overweight people! Is that how people see me? Is that what people think when they see me at the mall, out to eat, or even at church?

I don't want to be this way anymore. I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I want to stop putting limits on myself. I don't want to be embarrassed to stand up by my best friend when she gets married in February. I want to turn 30 and think this is the best I have ever looked. This is the best shape I have ever been in. I don't want weight to ever hold me back again! It is time to make a change and this time....it MUST be for good!